Learning to listen

I am a good listener in a lot of ways. I pay attention to what you are saying, I emphasize and I care but lately I have realised that if I hear a problem my immediate reaction is to try and fix it. I try come up with a solution. I am very pragmatic about the problem. I think it is my way of feeling less powerless.

This is a problem because not all issues have solutions and I am so focused on trying to fix it that I feel anxious and angry when I can't. I think this especially comes out with my family because there are so many problems I can't fix and I feel that there is a lot of pressure to fix them.

Last night my mom phoned me to tell me of yet another problem. I think, to be honest, that she just wanted to talk. But although I tried I didn't manage to just sit and listen. I was angry because the past two weeks I have felt crap and this is the first phone call I had and it was only to cry on my shoulder. It made me even more convinced that the only reason I was called was to fix it. Like my worth is only a good as my ability to make things okay. And I can't make it all okay. So I got angry.

How do I coach myself to take a step back and just listen without feeling the pressure of the situation on my shoulders? I know I think too much. My brain whirrs on trying to fix it. How do I turn it off? Do other people feel like this? Or if you are a good listener, how do you just listen without becoming so involved? These are things I am trying to figure out. I think that its vital for me to learn but I need to know where to start.