Happy Birthday to me!

Have I ever mentioned that I love birthdays? Well do!

I suppose now I should worry about getting older but it doesn't really phase me. Mainly since I am just happy in my life at the moment. I don't feel particularly grown up most days. In fact, I feel that I am learning most of the time. Maybe its because I feel 16 in my head. Its hard to worry when you still think like a 16 year old ;)

I was so totally spoilt this MONTH (I've had a birthday month- a day is not enough :p). I got my laptop, I started a new job, I got a great new haircut and a Este Laude gift set from Brian's mom. And flowers from Brian. That he arranged himself...he was very proud. He also wrote me the most beautiful message in my birthday card. I am not showing off. Well, maybe a little. But not in a mean way. It so easy to get used to how awesome he is but when I brag about the little things he does it reminds me how looked after and loved I am. I am seriously lucky.

Did I mention he took the day off work so he would be here with me? Yip, he did and then he vacuumed and washed the floor. And we're going out for sushi now. Mmmmmnnnnn! Exciting.

Anyway, have a great day people! :)

p.s. Have you seen the Michael Bolton song about Captain Jack Sparrow. So SO ODD! It makes me laugh.



p.s. 2 I was travelling around the Eastern and Northern Cape last week. Its so beautiful! We were there for work (looking at the P.E. mainline railway) so most of my pictures involve railway tracks or plants. But I think this one is pretty.

Feel good Fridays

Its Friday...enough said :)

Catching up

I am cuddled nicely in bed and I decided to catch up on some blog reading. Boy, did I miss you guys! Its so nice to read about people's day to day lives and share their joys (and sadness). I suppose it makes us feel connected.

On two of the blogs I read today, people had left nasty comments about the content of the blog. It was so odd. I mean, if I don't like something I read...I don't read it. Why bother to read about someone you don't like AND THEN TELL THEM ABOUT IT! Methinks they just want the attention. So annoying.

In other news: My one friend from school is engaged. I am surprised/happy/nostalgic/hurt/sad all at once because I saw this on facebook and I have never met the guy. I wish that it was as easy for me as it was for her to cut me out of her life.

I have been grappling with some of my issues with the psychologist lately and I think sometimes I focus on all the rubbish that happens in my family because it distracts from all the rubbish that goes on inside my head. I was so shocked to discover exactly how low my self esteem is (apparently, I have managed to hide that from myself). I spend so much time thinking "what is wrong with me...why don't they like me?" That I didn't realise how my whole persona is geared towards trying to make sure people like me. I give what I think people want. And that never works out because the people who want a mindless puppet as a friend will eventually grow bored and the people who want someone real, never get the chance to know you.

All I can say is the inside of my head is an odd place. That said. I am actually quite happy at the moment. And tomorrow is Friday which means my boy will be home. Yay.

Have a great weekend people.



p.s. How awesome is this?

One hundred posts!

Wow! Its my 100th post today. Yay! I am writing this in bed, waiting to skype with Brian and Savanah is watching Glee in the lounge. Its been a good day. I am tired but good tired. And tomorrow is FRIDAY! That makes me happy.

By the way, I just love Glee. Seriously, Savanah and cried ourselves through episode 3. It must have been quite a funny sight - both of us, on opposite ends of the couch, holding hands with tears running down our cheeks. But it was good crying. Some things are just so beautiful.

Like this.



I love it.

Its Friday!!! :)

I am in such a good mood. Yay! Its Friday and ABSA are sending me flowers (long story but I love flowers). And Brian drove me to work and is picking me up so that I could have a break from driving (he had a meeting yesterday so he is back early). Isn't he wonderful?

Yesterday, Savanah came to sleep over. She wrote me a letter during maths (although she assures me she had finished her work). She was confiding in me about a boy and telling me about her day. I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful relationship with her. I sometimes wonder if I could love her more if she was my daughter. I don't think so. She hit her head when she was 2 and my dad didn't have money to take her to emergency and they didn't want to go to Joburg gen at night. I was so worried about concussion that I stayed up the whole night and checked her every half an hour. I have kissed her sores better and cut up her food for her. I bathed her every night when she was little and base life decisions on her (i.e. Not looking for jobs in Cape Town). I love it when she talks and talks and talks and tells me every detail about her day at school and although I think she was the cutest baby ever, I love her at every age. I really can't imagine loving her more.

Anyway, that was off track...

So we watched Glee (I LOVE GLEE!) so glad its back on and Savanah and Brian had a long conversation about her music. She approves of his taste and then they ganged up on me and mocked my taste in music. It was such a lovely evening.

And tomorrow Brian, Savanah, Cathy and I are off to watch Harry Potter. I am currently tiding up my desk at work and throwing away a rainforest of paper. It feels good to be getting all sorted here. Soon it will be my new job and I am excited for that.

Hope you all have wonderful weekends. What are you doing?

Internet addict

We have had no internet this week and I have nearly died. Which I think shows exactly how unproductive I am lately. I must stop it now! Well, actually on Monday because the network guys have made such a mess in my office and I can't tidy it because they are not finished. Eugh!

In other news: I had a puncture on Tuesday which was really annoying. My car is only 3 months old. But I managed to roll into a petrol station and three really sweet attendants changed it for me. Who says chivalry is dead? Its just not always what you expect.

I went to a pub quizz with Helen and P1 and friends on Wednesday which was fun. We had a mascot called "Elvis the Pelvis" and P1 kept making him dance. I realise that I dont know very much general knowledge. I mean its always on the tip of my tongue. Its so annoying.

My sister is watching the Script with her friends tonight. She is so excited. She slept over last night and she has exams today so currently my head is filled with Grade 8 Biology and Script songs. Have you seen how pretty he is? No wonder my sis loves him!

Brian is feeling sick. And he was in a bad mood on skype yesterday but I get that because skype is annoying (or at least the internet connection at home is). So the call wasn't as fun as it usually is. But he is such a sweetheart- he phoned a few hours later to apologise for being grouchy. Isn't that sweet?

I am going to go sign my contract this afternoon. Hmmm. Contracts scare me. Oh well. Also I've just renewed the lease on our place. Its so exciting knowing we are going to be there for another year. I moved around a lot when I was younger so a life long dream is to have one home and stay there!

So anyway, this weekend I am looking forward to relaxing and enjoying myself. The students are away from Monday so there will be plenty of time to catch up on admin and get everything sorted. Its definitely a good friday and good week.

p.s. Did I mention I got a job?

Ooh, my heart is all a flutter

Do you know why? Of course not. I haven't told you yet. But I will.

So inside this 26 year old is a little girl looking for validation and acceptance. I think, to tell the truth,that we all are. Friendships have definied my life (not always in a good way). I have memories of wondering around Wildernes National Park at age 6, asking kids to "be my friend" (yes, I actually asked) and I have mentioned the issues I had with my old friends. So it always kind of surprises me when people like what I say or write or do.

Mainly when it comes from people who I admire (to be frank, the blogs I read are awesome!)

So you can imagine how excited I was when Nicci nominated me for two awards. And on top of that, Tash said that she "really liked" my blog. I am in seventh heaven.

I am besides myself with excitement (seriously considering phoning Brian to tell him how awesome I am). Or yelling it from the rooftops. I think I will settle for a glass of wine and dancing madly to the sound track of Mamma Mia.

Sheesh, I ramble.

Back to the award (I did mention that I got one, right?)

Drum roll...

Yay)

Now for the fun part

1.) I have to choose five other people who deserve it and pass the awards along
2.) Regale you all with seven random facts (yes, I know I just gave you five yesterday but I didn't think I would get an award, now did I?)
3.) Let the people that you give the awards to know
4.) Thank the person who gave you the award

I can do this.

I must confess that I am slightly addicted to blogs. I come to work and eagerly check blogs to see if they have been updated. I am frequently moved to tears and/or laughter and I feel so much more ummm...normal. I think its good to know that you are not the only person that feels sad/scared/alone/happy/weird etc. You guys all make my life so much more interesting. Thank you.

So the blogs I am giving the awards to are:

Bonding over lizards: Helen is one of the reasons I started blogging and although we talk about a lot of stuff in person I just love the way she takes on life.

Remember when: Fiona is just so fun! And her kiddies are so cute :)

Spacebook: This blog makes me cry and it is one of the most heart wrenching things I have ever read. Caz is just so brave and amazing.

Sleepyjane: Because I love the polaroids of her dogs and I really relate to a lot of her posts.

The nomad's land: I love Sarah! I just do. :) But she doesn't really add awards to her blog so I am nominating someone else (Nicci said "or more")

Doodles or a Journo: Tamara is so cool and works in her slippers which is a life long dream of mine!

So now for the facts:

1.) My feet are always cold. I hate winter because of it.
2.) I haven't done the dishes this week (I plan to do them when I get home today). I have just been so tired. It still is yucky though.
3.) I compose blog posts in my head while I drive home but then I forget most of it and post whatever inane thing is in my head.
4.) My boyfriend's mother is my boss. I know it sounds bad but really I am pretty overqualified for my job so it wasn't nepotism. But she does bring me muffins to work which is really nice.
5.) I never dream in colour (although I hardly ever remember my dreams)
6.) I once got kicked by a shetland pony and had a horseshoe shaped bruise. My friends thought it was hilarious. I didn't.
7.) I went to my matric dance with the son of my mom's friend who I hadn't seen since I was 6. Yes, it was sad. It was more sad that he wore leather pants to the afterparty and refused to dance!

So lastly, the thank you!

Dear Nicci. You rock. Thank you! :)

Earth Wind and Rain (not fire)

I slept better last night than I have for awhile. I think it was a combination of a warm bed and listening to the wind howl outside. And then the rain too. There is something very beautiful about the sound of rain...I feel like the rain has cleared away some of the cobwebs in my head. I feel energised and positive. I like this me.

Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby. ~Langston Hughes

Spooky wild and gusty; swirling dervishes of rattling leaves race by, fleeing the windflung deadwood that cracks and thumps behind. ~Dave Beard

I love this painting by Jennifer Young although I am not sure if it has very much to do with 'windflung deadwood". It makes me feel though. I think that is what art is supposed to do, right?

Do you remember Pollyana?

When I was little I remember watching the movie, "Pollyanna" which starred Hayley Mills (my mom always hired quite old movies to watch which is probably why my first crush - after Prince Eric- was Gene Kelly). I really loved her 'Glad game'. I am not always very positive but I do try and whenever I have been down, I try and think of something to be glad about.

So after my very mopey post on Saturday (apologies), here are some things I am glad about:

1.) Lists - I love lists (I really am such a nerd)
2.) It is the last monday of the month which means my boy has a long weekend. Which means when I get home today he will be there :)
3.) Friends - I saw two of my good friends on Sat and it was good just to have some girly time
4.) My electric blanket
5.) Watching 3 Supernatural episodes in a row. I love Dean!
6.) Robert Jordan books (They are my boy's books but it is so good to be reading again.)
7.) I have a pair of hiking socks on so my feet are not as cold as usual.
8.) There is a heater in my office
9.) My boy remembers the 1st song we danced to and it played on VH1 this weekend. I love how it is important to him too.
10.) I feel better! This is actually quite a big statement for me but its true: I made it! I went to visit a friend of mine on Friday - she is hospital because of depression and when I was walking back to the car it hit me. I had this whole "Rocky" moment and I wanted to dance. Thing is I had a breakdown in 2009 and although I could still function, I really didn't know if I would ever feel better, if I would ever be able to drive without drinking a litre of water (anxiety) or read a book again. I didn't know if the 'Pollyana' me would ever emerge again. I felt so guilty for inflicting myself on my boy (who has been there for me the whole time). I didn't know if I would stop having 'epiglottal spasms' - where I couldn't swallow and it felt that I couldn't breathe. More than anything, I didn't know if I would ever feel happy again. And I did it. I finished the MSc. (I know I mention that a lot but it is a HUGE personal achievement for me), I am reading again, I can swallow, I can be positive. And I am glad!

I am in such a good mood today

I love good moods...I love the feeling that the world is good and that only nice and happy things are to come. I hope that all of you have a very wonderful week!

Success!

I got my examiners' reports back. I am the proud owner of a MSc. (and a whole lot of corrections- but who cares???). Yay! One examiner motivated that I get a distinction (of course the other wants me to rewrite a whole chapter so it won't happen). So I am very very relieved. I was not very confident when I handed it in. But apparently, it was better than I thought. :)

What's better than a Friday???

Brian is coming home for 11 days of uninterrupted laziness. I am so happy. And its not even Friday...